Hiei and Botan: A quest through their memories
by Masochism
Summary: Hiei and Botan are an odd pair. One was sweet, the other was bitter. Together they combined as a sour drink of lemon that soothed even the greatest of pains. Watch as their minds unfold through each poem that I reap.
1. Melodies

Melodies

What would feed a simple fire?

The luminous warmth so surrounding

The intense flame upon shadows so soft

The delicious silence, I desire my soul

The romantic days now have shared melodies


	2. Day of Judgment

The Day of Judgment

"Come along for the ride and enjoy the show!"

I see you've been waiting, for that much I know!

The Day of Judgment has now arrived!

So let's go back, and take a look at your life!

I've witnessed you grow, as many can't do

As a child I've watched you, I've seen you through

You were always so wise, the wittiest of them all

You had a great gift, but still you had to fall.

You fooled around and sullied my name.

You messed up your life, and then took my name in vain

Consequently you've written yourself to his book,

And now I must damn you without another look.

Goodbye my fair sinner, live your life in shackles of shame

And when you're screaming in hell, remember….

You are to blame, so….

"Come along for the rid and enjoy the show!"

I see you've been waiting, for that much I know!

The Day of Judgment has now arrived!

So let's go back, and take a look at your life!


	3. Sweet Refuge

Sweet refuge

Oh darkness out my window

Following the shadow,

Of a monster in my mind,

It's all I see; and whispers

In the darkness whistle like

The wind; on the pane of all

Creation, my reality

Run to my bed,

(Sweet refuge in disguise)

Hide under the covers

(Locking myself)

Locking myself from the world

Instantly the fear goes away

Instantly reality evaporates

And all that's left, is my existence

Under the haven of my dream land

Don't wanna leave it behind,

Don't wanna let myself get out

Just stay under this refuge,

Until I'm no more

Darkness out my windowpane,

Something that I don't want to see

Cover up my eyes, from all that's true

All of reality

Sweet refuge

Sweet dreams


	4. Cage

The world is a cage,

Locked inside of emptiness

Harboring feelings,

That we can't seem to confess

Trying so hard to see,

But are blinded by the fact

That we are numb

Numb to the world

Numb to our existence

Working for the will of mankind

But are chained by our life; and it hinders

All our feelings

A multitude of aching screams

Cry out to the nation

Love and respect for all of life;

But still harboring feelings of

Ignominy for their own life

We're numb, we don't care

If we die; as long as we know that

We lived this life

Numb to the world

Numb to our existence

Working for the will of mankind

But are chained by our life; and it hinders

All of our feelings

Numb to the world

Numb to our existence

Working for the will of mankind

But are chained by our life; and it hinders

All of our feelings

We're numb and we just don't care


	5. My Love

Mmmm a lullaby

Mmmm the angels cry

Oh, tempting as a rose

Gentle as a breeze

My love for you exceeds

My existence and tramples

Everything

My love is so powerful

That the angels cry; and

Time it stops just for me,

To create a lullaby

Mmmm my love for you

A remedy to my pain

Mmmm my need for you

A constant thing

I need to touch you

I need to hold you

Just to verify that you're real

My Love is just a tormenting thing

It hurts my selfless body and

Tears out everything

It makes me want to cry

But the only thing I want to do

Is scream

And screaming I've done

To the point where I can't feel myself

Locking myself into a subsequent hell

My life

It torments me so

And I just want to die

But dying would be a refuge,

And I just don't deserve it

I deserve love

The only thing

Pain, hatred, agony;

Why can't they just call it love?


	6. unknown

I have a past unknown to myself

One that I lost so long ago

I retain no memory of what I was

It's like I lost my inner soul

I watched myself search countless times,

And yet I always failed, to see the path in

Front of me, that small but visible trail.

Myself, I say look towards the future today.

Look for your answers, but from the future do not

Stray.


	7. Make me feel real

I cast out mercy, and embrace death

I filter emotion and respect those who deny it

I am numb, the avoidable calm that everyone seeks

and so longingly wishes to resist.

My souls are made of plastic, and my mind is stocked with dreams,

I am fake, and am undeserving of this world called realit

I feel real, I feel alive

To be where I want to, reality has to die

but only for a while

Only for a while

I am alone in this world, no one wishing to help me

I feel afraid, but my hearts trancends to a place where

only dead souls can be.

I come alive, in my fantasy, where only I can be,

only I can be

I feel real, oh I feel alive

to be where I wan't to, reality has got to die,

I wan't to make my fantasy be real,

but reality holds me back,

reality holds me back

cast out mercy

embrace the death of reality

cast out shame

filter all your hate

love everyone else,

but never love yourself

never love yourself

I feel real, I feel alive

To make that go away I have got to die

I know that I am dreaming now,

but it never hurts to think,

it never hurts to think

Make me feel, oh

Make me feel alive.


	8. Call me to the place of Darkness

Call me to the place of darkness

Where my soul departed from my body and entered into shallow air

Where I fell into the dark abyss, with unknown enmities pulling me inside of myself,

The rage of endearment, and the fear of belonging to a world of reality

Where my mind was clouded with the thoughts of the past,

When I was young and free, able to see the truth that was hidden in lies

I was taken from my fantasy and thrown into spawning hatred,

Spawning deceit and ridicule, only wishing to be free

To be tied by the bonds of hate, and only learn how to disrespect

The only thing that gave me courage,

The only thing that gave me the will to survive in the hell that I had been born in to,

It was no dream, no fantasy,

Only this scarce reality where the beasts prey upon the mice of men

This place where the only hope left rests within unbroken souls,

But those had gone to,

Just like a tsunami, it had swept in and destroyed the lives of thousands

Causing them to lose their souls and fall into the dark abyss just like me,

And in some sense, we were falling all along,

Because, in order to have been thrown into reality,

We had to have fallen from fantasy,

The only place where we were revered and venerated,

But that is also gone because of our fall,

We are being punished,

For the first of our kind turned his flesh towards deceit

And in turn signed our souls to reality,

But we can not blame him because of human nature

It is in the greatest times of depression that we find ourselves to be in pain

We find that we can no longer go on,

That the life we have is not worth living,

And with our broken souls we fall even deeper into the abyss,

Leaving are hearts only to be blackened by reality,

But, why can we not return to fantasy?

Why must we live out our lives on this abomination?

This unholy ball of dirt, with broken souls made of clay

I ask why, I ask why

I will never know, I will never know

I will only live with my broken soul until I fall once more in to the abyss


	9. A Beautiful Mind

A Beautiful Mind

Memories of a faded heart

Echoing into the entity that

Has defined your life;

A small,

But meaningful tear

Falling from your eye,

Blood falling;

And as the blood mixes,

Along with your lament

Your tears run dry

And

When they run dry,

And all your senses numb,

Your find yourself screaming

As you watch yourself come

Undone

Madness exuding your soul

Tempting you to unfold

Death untwined;

Wrapping around your spine

And breaking into yourself,

Falling under this spell,

Known as your life

Binding, finding,

With the fear of tomorrow

A hatred that seeks your demise

Still, you try; and failing

Each time, you find

Pain taking over your mind,

And as you unwind,

Your relief comes with haste

Spilling into you, and all of your

Hate


	10. Untitled

Crimson embers, flowing through

Orange ray of consolation;

You stand there watching,

As the others come to and fro from their

Reprieve

Faces, staring under a bed of

Heat, lay beside you,

Tangled together as the foliage

Does in autumn; and you,

Seeing as they enclose you;

Dissolve into the darkness

Underneath

Eyes closed, falling as

You clasp your arms to your

Chest; you feel arms

Slither around your body and

Entwine their fingers

Around your neck

Breathing becomes fragile

And weak; and as

You begin to open

Your eyes, the hands

Slide over them

And squeezing into your flesh,

Around your body, you

Feel the hands cut,

And,

The blood falls, sliding

Down from you face;

Your stomach, and your

Arms

You shake, fear exuding

Into you; the hands dive

Deeper into your flesh,

Making your pain, much

More than a tangible thing

You're afraid; pretending

Has now become less

Than visible

Your heart now becomes weak;

Crimson tears fall

And the hands, that once

Surrounded you now leave

And lay you down upon

An earthy surface

Death relieved you

From the pain; and life

Kept you aching, only with

A beating heart

Your skin is pale, and your

Body, recognized now only

As a hollow shell, is

Lifeless;

Black clouds consume you

And you drown in your

Demise

You fade now, into the

Nothingness that has

Become your life;

And as you fall,

You

Hear

Whispers

You leap from you bed,

Palms sweaty; body shaking

It was only a dream

I believe

Okay, is a dream that Botan had.


	11. Darkness

This darkness that defines my life

Has taken hold of me

I am the bitter hatred, that

I have tried to leave

I know not what I want

I don't know what I need

I only know that my souls cold

Indeed, it's cold indeed.


	12. Holding my Breath

Holding my breath,

Every inch of me surrounded by impeccable forces of nature

Intense emotions running all throughout me, exuding me whole

As if the tempter came and devoured my soul,

Leaving only thoughts of passion and love,

I feel so loved, I feel so loved

If the darkness ever left Hiei's body, then this is what he would say (I think)


	13. A Ningen's Mistake

My untamed soul

Why must I live in a world, where my soul is limited?

It seems hard at first, to believe that in a land where freedom is given

That I must limit my voice; it hurts me.

Why we are so foolish, I just do not know.

How can I live knowing that I will never have a voice, nor freedom to give it away?


	14. Botan's Tempting Heart

My soul is calling me

My souls hungers for excitement

It yearns for the unknown journey that lies in the beyond.

It searches my heart, and asks if it wants to come along,

But for some reason, my heart denies the temptation.

Perhaps it is afraid of what may come to be.

Perhaps it just wants to leave it all be.

But I believe being afraid is just one of my hearts fears,

For I believe that there is more than what meets my eyes.

For I can see that my heart no longer dreams about soaring in the skies,

For it has grown tired and can no longer stand

To see what lies beyond my eyes,to seea new land,

Temptation may call, but my heart will stay.

Until the day it withers away.


	15. A dying girl's thoughts

Death

It comes like a thief in the middle of the night.

Waiting to devour my soul and add another name on his list.

It sees my tears freely falling to the ground.

I try to scream, but for some reason I can't say anything

Glaring at my body; knowing that it is my time

So without any hesitation it touches my soul

And soon enough my body is gone,

Death has devoured me.


	16. SHUT UP!

Shut up!

You say that I am an angel you say that I am very astute.

Well I am very sick and tired of all the compliments,

Because for some reason they seem ironically rude

So why don't you shut up, and leave me be.

Get out of my face, then one day you'll see

This girl you called angel, this girl that you loved

Is really a disguise used for fools like you,

So get out of my life,

Leave me be, just shut up!

This is a poem about how people underestimate me and always talk down to me. Yeah, it's a RUDE poem! When my mom saw it, she insulted me!


	17. Eyes

No love at all

It has been so long since I have seen those eyes

The ones that captivated me from the start

You were so beautiful,

So delicate

You were like a piece of art

You're features were so intricate,

You seemed to have no faults,

Except for one,

You had no love,

No love for me at all.


	18. Leaving me breathless

Leaving me breathless

Breathless night, Windless air

At the stars above, I begin to stare.

I see the beauty,

How picturesque it seems

Oh, the exquisite salvation,

For one who believes

This is a poem by Botan


	19. Our Insanity

Our insanity

When we find ourselves alone in the vastness of our insanity

We see a darkness that belongs to the hated and the blind

We see a light that lies behind the empty corners of our mind,

But for us, we cannot find what lies beyond; what lies behind

We can't understand the torture only hidden from us in dreams

We can't understand the torment which in reality seems to be?

An impeccable force grasping our hearts and pulling us towards

The brink of destruction, committing us to an active hatred, spawned from

Our insanity; only leaving us with a bitter hatred for ourselves,

Casting out revenge upon the unspoken memories locked in bolted chambers, only

Found in the darkness that is called us.

Found for both the hated and the blind, we all contain darkness

That seeks a bitter end, but still we descend into hatred

The eternal force keeping us alive; Keeping us from running away from ourselves

Wishing to leave our bodies on the ground; Allowing ourselves to finally be free from our

Insanity, free from the hatred called us. We seek revenge upon our bodies; they allow us to live.

Being a fearful human, I can only wait for me to end; for I cannot do it myself


	20. Passionate Botan

Passionate me

Waves of emotion overcome all desperation

It's like a dream of pure relaxation

The fantasy is to surreal to imagine

Nor, anything for anyone to fathom

Finding yourself in a spiraling motion

Towards the end of all reason

Towards the end of all notion

Exuding you in, to a world of emotion

Nothing like you've ever seen

Like a ship on the water,

Soothingly flowing with the sea

This craze,

This delight,

Day mixed with night,

A breathless emotion falls out of sight

Freely falling to start a new light

This is one of my poems that acutually got an award. It's going t be in a book.


	21. The times have changed

The times have changed since we last parted

No more do I whisper of joy and peace.

I only hope for the end of all endings,

To fulfill my wieldiest dreams,

I wish for the hope of survival

I wish for bliss of retreat

I wish for the bitter hatred to end,

Love will be our only fleet.

Constant death,

Constant denial

Everything is moving so rapidly

Soon enough we will end up in a downward spiral

We can't retreat

We won't escape

Not at all, not at all

Until the end of all endings

Then, and only then, will

We be from this

This hatred, this revenge,

This everything

This fantasy world called reality


	22. A Demonic Request

Lively spirit, give me freedom

On this ground, I can't tread

Leave me spirit, find some other helpless

Waste of a person, leave me dead

My strength, my resolve

Fading into the wilderness

My heaven, my hell

Doesn't seem to help me out!

Give me freedom, give me death

Give me torture, as long as I'm not here

Make me insane, give me much pain

As long as I know that I'm not here

For as long as I've lived,

I've been tortured by this life,

Wanting to escape,

What I didn't want in the first place

Give me torture, give me liberty,

Give me everything that will set me free

Don't you know that, it's not working?

If I cannot live here,

Then why won't you be here

Give me freedom, give me death

Give me torture, as long as I'm not here

Make me insane, give me much pain

As long as I know that I'm not here

LIVELY SPIRIT!


	23. Botan's Haiku

Lost in love,

How softly I write

And in endless frustration

I found myself


	24. Hiei, my love

_I stare at myself and wonder_

_About the state I'm in_

_My face is shining like the sun_

_A crimson hue's on my skin_

_I'm finding it so hard!_

_To let this feeling break out!_

_I feel as though I will explode,_

_Soon enough it will come out!_

_This love, this cherishing moment_

_This terrible feeling inside of me_

_Is chasing away the uncertainty_

_That has been a part of me_

_My eyes they glisten every time_

_I think about him,_

_His qualities don't make up me_

_I want to act on whim_

_When I see his eyes I act surprised_

_I'm like a little girl_

_But I know he'll never know_

_About this feeling that has grown_

_To be a pain and a blessing at the same time_

_To be the only thing that makes me think_

_Of him all the time_

_I just want him to know_

_But this feeling, I don't know_

_Is it love or is it a phase, passing_

_By like the moon and the sun_

_I wish not to see this simple thing,_

_But I know, in my heart,_

_That love has won!_

_This love!_

_This burden!_

_This pain!_

_This blessing!_

_I am lost in his love_

_I am lost in his face_

_His wonder, his beauty, his grace_

_I am in love_

_I am in love _

_I am in love_


	25. A Pitiful Rose

A pitiful rose glows in the moonlight

Radiance un-detained and precious

Its features, more beautiful than

Before, deep inside though, I know.

I feel as though the heart would break

For just like the rose, it is just as

Pitiful and weak; a rose is nothing more

Than hatred that seeks out it's prey in

Large numbers

A rose represents nothing, and should

Never be exemplified as such. For in

The years to pass we won't find ourselves

Talking about a rose. We will talk about

How much we had to endure just to get to

The point of receiving one; that's

A mystery in it's self

Look, if you want advice, when you see

A rose, do not love it, but hate that

We contain such a devastating piece of work.

The only thing that could ever destroy a human

Without touching them.


	26. My Excursion, My Reality

Do not release me from my excursion

For I find it to be wondrous

I want this never ending bliss

To stay inside my mind forever

Just leave me here, I

Don't care about how long I stay

Leave me here in this world that

I've created for myself. This world

Called reality


	27. Deft Reality

The deft reality that I live in

Is no longer simple and clean

For now I am of age; now

The only thing I see

Is a world full of destruction

A world full of hate,

A world that seeks out sin

And embraces it with haste

We are sin, and

At the same time,

We are refuge

A confusing thing,

But what are you to expect

When you live in world

That travels up and down;

Both at the same time,

Never stopping to wait on

Anyone or anything

We have created sin,

And in return sin has

Created us

Now to form an army of

Lying deceivers who

Will betray all in the end;

That is what we are meant for


	28. fading

I felt as if the world was fading from me

My soul was gone, and I had nothing left

It had been two months since she died

Those two months had been hell without her by my side

I wished so much that I could have her back,

But that was a wish I could never have

She was gone forever,


	29. ice

How long has it been  
since you melted the ice that froze my soul  
you treated me with kindness?  
You made me feel completely whole.  
You were never angry when I yelled at you  
when I was trying to hide myself,  
but you saw right through my disguise  
and removed me from my hell.  
You may not know it, but I care about you,  
so much that I want you to know,  
I've loved you for quite a while.  
It will stay that way until the day I die  
so god if you'll take me, I have time


End file.
